Category: LESSONS

About 2 months ago, my friend Annie was telling me how exasperated she had become with her unending duties at home and responsibilities at church. She tackles these tasks with grace and thanksgiving, but she was feeling discontent with the lack of checkmarks appearing on her spiritual to-do list.

“I just need to get away, by myself for a few days to pray, read my Bible, read my books…do all that stuff that has been put off for weeks now!”

I not only agreed that sounded like a fantastic idea, but insisted that Annie let me come along.

“But, if you’re with me, I won’t be alone! And that’s the whole point!”

After a brief moment of convincing her that I needed the same sort of retreat, we came to the compromise that we would go together, but be alone once we were there.

“There” was Deer Creek Lodge in Mount Sterling, Ohio. Only about 45 minutes outside of Columbus, Deer Creek is a little piece of nature not too far from home.

Our 24 Hours of Refueling began on a Friday morning with breakfast and enough coffee to fuel a tank engine. It should be noted for anyone reading who might someday want to make coffee for Annie or I, we aren’t particular about our coffee, but our creamer…you better have the good stuff. (Annie has taught me to pack my own creamer when traveling to San Salvador!)

We arrived at Deer Creek around noon, checked into our separate rooms and claimed our spots at opposite ends of the perfectly scenic patio. My time was spent finishing Loveology by John Mark Comer. This book is AMAZING. I don’t care who you are or where you are in your dating life (or lack thereof!) – READ. THIS. BOOK. I basically underlined every line and wrote either “AMEN!” “PREACH!” or “MMMHMM…” on every other page. This book tackles why we should even bother getting married when the divorce rate in the US hangs at 50%, how to find “The One,” (hint: he/she is probably waiting for you next to a unicorn. i.e., as cool as it might be if they did, they don’t exist.), and why marriage is truly the best place for a sexual relationship (it’s not just because Jesus said so). Plus, Comer breaks down love and all its components into the original Greek. Nerds, rejoice.

After a few hours of solitude, I had finished Loveology and it was time for our Debriefing Dinner. We enjoyed a delicious dinner at the Lodge Restaurant, discussed what we had been learning and decided leaving the Lodge for a bit for ice cream was beyond necessary for more refueling.

Annie and I stumbled upon The Dairy Freeze in town and devoured our ice cream sundae and peanut butter chocolate shake (respectively). When we had about polished off our desserts, two neighborhood boys came in for a Friday night treat. I smiled to myself as the boys deliberated on whether or not they had enough money for two ice creams with sprinkles. I drifted into memories of rollerblading (oh, the 90s) to Rax fast food restaurant with my childhood best friend Sarah. We would each order curly fries with cheese, scoot to our favorite summer hideout and eat every fry and lick the cheese cup clean. Needless to say, the boys were 7 cents short and I got to treat them to extra sprinkles – it was Friday after all! Everyone deserves extra sprinkles on Friday! One of the boys thanked me kindly and assured me that the next time he saw me in town, he would “buy me something nice.” I told him I was only visiting and he should pay the sprinkles forward.

We returned to the Lodge where Annie and I sat together (but alone!) in front of a beautiful fireplace for our individual evening sessions. I began my new book, As You Wish, by Mercy Lokulutu. I have yet to finish this book, but so far, I love it. Mercy references the movie The Princess Bride when she points out that when we tell God, “As you wish,” we are really surrendering and professing, “I love you, God.” She talks about true surrender to God and why avoiding it could be possibly fatal. We had one more reprieve from solitude for 20 minutes in the hot tub…ahhhhh…..and then back to the fireplace! Serious coziness.

The next morning started with feeding the resident stray cats, more reading and LOTS more coffee. We departed the lodge and stopped in town for breakfast and pie. Yup. Pie was part of breakfast. As it always should be.

I wish I could have a 3-day weekend every week for an escape like this. I was able to chat with God uninterrupted, soak up words of wisdom from two Godly inspired authors, and hear my own thoughts for longer than 30 seconds at a time. Even though our time refueling was short, I returned home with a refreshed spirit, a peaceful mind and God’s own words whispered in my heart.

As a church youth leader, I am constantly learning how to appropriately work with teenagers to lead them in lives pleasing to God while simultaneously making being an adult follower of Christ look super awesome. This gets complicated. Part of me wants to just be their cool big sister while the other part desperately wants to compassionately slap them and screech, “JUST TRUST ME! I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! I SURVIVED BEING 15!” It also gets complicated because I am blessed with being the charge of a handful of beautiful 9th grade girls who on most days act like they’re 25. But because they are actually 15, one minute I’m talking to a perfectly logical human being and the next I’m dealing with some emotional creature from beyond.

I. Can’t. Even.

I began working with Rock City Youth in September 2014. Admittedly, I was initially annoyed with the fact that I had been given reign over the 9^th grade girls. I currently teach 9^th graders, and the last people I wanted to be surrounded by on my time off were more 9^th graders. I wanted the cool upperclassmen who understand sarcasm, can empathize with my road rage and are basically adults. But I trusted our youth Pastor Amanda and went with the flow. I dived right in.

In the short 8 months since then, my 9^th grade girls have become my heartbeat. They are the reason I get up in the morning: So-and-So’s got a Spanish test today. Get up & pray! They keep me walking in step with Christ: How can I help her with her anxiety? What does the Bible say about it? And they’re the reason God invented the Do Not Disturb feature on my iPhone: What the freak?!? You girls JUST saw each other 10 MINUTES AGO at youth group!! What could you POSSIBLY have left to talk about at midnight on a Wednesday??

The complications worsen when I see heartbreak in the girls’ path or suffering at their doorstep. I want to do everything in my power to be their Mama Bear and protect them from anything painful. My own heart truly shatters when I think that someone will break her heart. My insides groan when I realize that eventually she will experience soul-shaking suffering.

But what can I do? The tragic truth is that I can’t protect them. I am not their parent. I am their Youth Leader. This title comes with a small, yet crucial set of responsibilities. I am not their protector. I am their model and guide. When heartbreak and pain collide into these girls’ lives, I will be the one (God willing, not the only one) nudging them and prodding them to their feet and encouraging them to walk with me, not ahead or behind me, but shoulder-to-shoulder with me as we navigate the sorrow together.

Thousands of years ago, Jesus assured us that “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”^✝  Suffering is inevitable, and I may not be able to protect my girls, but with God as my strength and their defender, there is nothing in this world we cannot defeat.

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^✝ John 16:33

 

This time a year ago I was training for my second half marathon, beginning to think about what to pack for my San Salvador mission trip in June and redecorating my home. Life wasn’t necessarily exciting, but it was good and I was happy.

Fast-forward 12 months. I never ran that second half-marathon because of an injury, one mission trip to San Salvador led to another which led to a Salvadorian Christmas vacation and my home redecoration turned into a home simplification as I prepare to sell all my things and move down south. Way south.

Today, my days are spent texting my 9^th grade Rock City Church Youth Girls, working with Pastor Amanda planning high school mission trips and practicing Spanish with my Salvadorian friends. My life is directed by my relationship with God to foster the love He has for His teenage children (believe me. There are some days when only God can love a teenager! amiright??).

But I also loved my life a year ago. A year ago, my days were spent texting my closest girlfriends, planning vacations to Vegas and California, and practicing walking the runway for Columbus’ Alternative Fashion Week. My life then was directed by relationships with my friends to foster those to become life-long bonds.

Giving up my past life has been easy, but it has not come without heartache. When I returned stateside after my first tryst with San Salvador, my heart had been changed. I no longer wanted to spend my weekends out at bars until all hours of the night. The meaningless, although fun, dating relationships I was nurturing were no longer a priority. Instead, I wanted to spend those weekend hours building friendships with people who shared my love for Christ and my burden for Youth all over the world. But doing that meant that I had to leave treasured friends behind. I’m sure that more than a few feelings were hurt and heads were shaken in confusion when I chose Youth Night over Vegas and high-schoolers over adults. In fact, I know they were.

I often feel the sting of regret when I consider how my life used to be. But that is to be expected. Whether you’re toning your body or toning your spirit, if your workout doesn’t hurt, you’re not doing it right. I maintain that changing my “workout” has been an easy switch, but the growing still hurts. A few of my greatest pains have been learning to be patient in God’s timing, really, truly and fully giving God control of my life (Jesus Take the Wheel isn’t just a catchy song sung by an adorable blonde. It’s a way of life, my friends) and most recently, questioning if the voice I’m following is my own or if it’s God’s. Folks, these are NOT easy lessons. Anyone who has dealt with patience, control or hearing God’s voice knows we will never overcome them. We might be able to do a couple reps, but come back tomorrow, and we are right back where we started from a week ago. It takes perseverance to even begin to master these beasts and needless to say, my perseverance muscle is RIPPED.

Giving up a habit or lifestyle for God is not always easy. What I remind myself is that it’s worth it. It is worth giving up texting my friends in exchange for texting 15-year-old homegirl to arrange a homework help session. It is worth giving up vacations to Vegas and California in exchange for organizing a mission trip to New York City to educate our Youth about loving ALL of God’s children (Yup. Even that one.). It is worth giving up the glamour and excitement of fashion runways in exchange for the risk and adventure of airplane runways in San Salvador.

The meaning of my life a year ago was fun and surviving a strenuous workout and my latest heartbreak. The meaning of my life today is still fun, but I’m no longer surviving. I’m living now.