Tuesday started out as a perfectly lovely day. Granted, it was 6am and I could barely actually see the day, but I knew it was going to be good. I had woken up early to join a few close friends at church for an early morning prayer meeting. Corporate prayer, people praying together, is a mighty powerful thing. It’s one thing to know the prayers that I am praying, but it is a whole other level of beautiful when someone gets down on their knees and echos my prayer. So even if it means waking up before the sun, it’s worth it to start my day in conversation with God and His people.
Another reason I wanted to begin my day by handing it over to God was because Tuesday was shaping up to be a very good, but very busy day. I needed to know that the day was God’s and He had His eyes on me. When I got back home after the prayer meeting for a few hours of Bible reading, I received a message from my friend Brittany. “Let me know when we can reschedule for!” Umm…what? Our 2:30pm coffee date had been in my calendar and confirmed for a week! I wasn’t cancelling!
“Let me know when we can reschedule for!”
“Why are we rescheduling?”
“You sent me an email canceling?”“No? I didn’t mean to! My calendar has been acting up! But I’m still available today if you are!”“Oh seriously!!?!?! Nuts!!! I told my cousin I could pick her up from school at 3pm because I thought you cancelled!!”
Microsoft Announces Plans to Discontinue the Popular Sunrise Calendar App
WHY GOD, WHY?????
DO YOU EVEN LOVE US????
Ok. Let me quickly explain why this was just devastating news – Amanda and I, and many of our friends, LOVE that app. Number 1, it’s pretty. And we’re all about the pretty. It’s easy to use. It syncs your calendars from iCloud, your Google account, Facebook, all of ’em. It allows you to quickly and easily invite people to appointments. It had an iPhone app AND a desktop app. Most calendar apps only have one or the other. It only cost a few bucks in the App Store. And dang, it was pretty!
For the time being, my Bible time had been pushed aside in favor of finding a new calendar app, because if I don’t have a working calendar, how will I even know when I have time for Bible time?!?
Amanda and I Googled. We Pinterested. We found ugly calendars from 2013. We found ovulation calendars. We found Make Out Calendars (side note: THAT is why we need Youth Ministry!). After almost 2 hours of searching and coming up empty-handed, the question remained:
Well, isn’t that just the story of my life the past 2 months?!
“Hey Ashley! Soooo…you’re still here! Why?”
“No Answers Yet”
“Hey Ashley! It’s been 2 months, when are you headed to San Salvador?”
“No Answers Yet”
“Hey Ashley! Has anyone given you any idea, even a ballpark, of when you’ll be able to move?”
“No Answers Yet”
But that is just how God works sometimes. We pray and we pray and we pray, but God is silent. I have begged of Him, God, please! Just send me already! I’ve done everything I know to do! When is it my time? Silence. Ok, God, fine. Make me wait. I will wait. But can you just tell me how long I have to wait? Please don’t leave me in this tunnel! Give me a light at the end! Silence.
So I wait in the tunnel. But what’s that noise?? Hello?? “OH HEYYYY FRIENDS! You brought me a present? I LOVE presents! It’s a flashlight…That’s actually just what I needed! Now I can see in this darkness! And a To-Do list? You know I love a project and a plan! What’s that? Oh! A cozy, little nook in the tunnel for me to live in! I guess I’ll just cuddle up here on the floor…A bed! Oh…that’s niiiice! Well, it’s still kinda dark in this tunnel, but now it’s kinda livable! Thanks guys!”
There is a big, over-arching part of my life that is uncertainty. Darkness. But God has not left me alone in that darkness. He is fighting for me. He knows what I want and He knows what I need. Obviously, I want to know when I will move to San Salvador! But do I need to know? Well, since God hasn’t told me yet, I guess I don’t. God doesn’t show us His love for us by giving in to all of our wants. Like a good Father, He shows his love for us by making sure our needs are taken care of first and then He tackles our wants. Can I trust the God of the Universe, the Creator, the One who knows all and sees all to know which of my wants are best for me? Well, when you put it that way…yes, of course. But do I also get frustrated when I cry, pray, and plead for a timeline and instead of opening the clouds, tapping me on the shoulder and yelling, “ASHLEY! Hey! Yeah! It’s me! That date you wanted to know? April 3rd! Ok, talk to you later!” God remains silent on the issue? Of course.
While I was at Missionary Training International in Colorado, I learned the importance of the word “Yet.”
- “This culture doesn’t make sense to me…yet.”
- “I haven’t learned how to do my new job…yet.”
- “I don’t know how to speak Spanish…yet.”
“Hey Ashley! It’s been 2 months, when are you headed to San Salvador?” I don’t know…YET.
“Yet” means that I am still pursuing an answer, that what I am praying for will happen at the right time and that I still have hope. I rest in the truth that just because God is silent does not mean He does not hear me. God hears my cries and He will answer my prayer. He just hasn’t…yet.
Because He bends down to listen I will pray as long as I have breath